Jesus in Me?

As I read the passage in Matthew, I realized that I have simply felt overwhelmed. I have read this passage so many times and have always thought of its practical application being in how I can affect or mobilize many people to begin to "take care of the problem" of the poor and marginalized in our midst and around the world. The overwhelming feeling that I mentioned is that of understanding just how big of a problem this actually is and how big of a program it would actually take to take care of the "poor" problem.

Okay, so I was really messed up on that line of thinking. I can say that I sincerely wanted to help, but I can see that my motivations were more out of keeping my hands clean than they were actually helping someone. Interestingly, the rest of my life and problem-solving-philosophies have all been focused around the exact opposite approach: Dive in and be an intimate part of the solution. Why was that not my approach in this case?

I can see that this attitude in me is changing. Recently my wife and I hosted a lady who didn't have a home and was five months pregnant with a baby who was in jeopardy of being separated from the uterus inside his mother. She was here for two weeks and it was a great experience for both of us. She showed a lot of love for our daughter and was always excited when Hannah was around.

After a couple of weeks, though, it became easy to despise her though because I didn't approve of the decisions that she was making in terms of her older boys - who were living with her sister and mother -, how well she was taking care of her in-utero baby - she was supposed to be on bed-rest, but was doing anything but that -, and how she handled the little money she had - she and her "fiancee" ate out many times.

We began to say that it was easy to see how people got in the situations that they did, how they ended up in the "poor house" with everyone else needing to be the ones taking responsibility to care for and look after them and the messes that they make.

Certainly we wanted the best for her, but our patience had easily worn thin and it was a good thing that she and her boyfriend were able to find a home (something else we didn't necessarily approve of), because it was becoming apparent to us that a long term solution was not something that we were prepared to provide.

Now we're getting ready to begin foster parenting. This is a different situation altogether because the kids that we will be parenting will not be the cause of their needing to be in our homes. However, I am fully expecting that they will smell badly, behave poorly, and could even potentially cause negative consequences upon our family and our home.

In this way, I could very easily say that the practical applications of the passage in Matthew is NOT good news. Who wants to risk their family to outside influences, to erratic behavior, to being open with a "dangerous" world? Certainly, up until now, it has not been me.

That said, I have begun - little by little - to understand what Jesus was saying when he stated, "For I was hungry, and you fed me." This relationship was based on one person in concert with one other person. One singular man to another. Not a program, but a hands-dirty, in-your-face relationship that tries to meet the immediate concerns of the one in need, but also provide a long-term love relationship that will do even much more than feeding someone one meal can accomplish.

We watched a video today in our foster parenting class. It was one of the first things that I actually enjoyed in that class because it was of several foster kids, either currently in the system or freshly from it. Just hearing the broken hearts, hearing how many of them had been bounced from one family to another without reservation, hearing how they were treated as the "other" kids in the family was a motivation for me to begin to understand how I must open my heart to the children who will come to and through our family. I must open my heart if I am to be a light to them, to make any impact on their life whatsoever. In the end, this is what I hope will be the good news, the story of my life shared with another to give love, a sense of peace, and ultimately - hope.